Fool
by Laguna's twin sister
Summary: Mousse reflects on his marriage with Shampoo and realizes what a fool he had been.
1. Mousse

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters; their own makers own them.

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I can feel it. I think this is the end.

Oddly enough, I don't feel sad, frightened or even surprised about it all. I guess I wanted to die. Or maybe… I just had to die. Everyone dies right? One way or another… Now that I think about it, even my death is a stupid one. Why can't I have a grand death where I get to defeat a great god of some sort to protect my wife… my wife…

I guess I'm not making much sense am I? How could I when everything seems so hazy and dark? What time could it be right now? Is it still morning… afternoon… night? I lost track of time a long time ago, ever since I buried my heart in the ground… I had died a painful death when I finally saw clearly that she can never … ever… love me. This is why I guess this physical death won't mean much to me.

Shampoo… my darling wife. Would she miss me, or my cooking at least? Would she miss the way I sew her torn dresses and clean and sharpen her weapons lovingly as they slice my skin. I wonder… will she miss hurling things at me whenever she's in one of her moods, shouting words of hate and disgust at me for taking away her dream, for chaining her miserably to me through the sacred vow of marriage. I know now that there's no sanctity in that word for it had been nothing more than a status in our relationship. I guess I couldn't complain. It was my fault after all. Surely I was a bad husband to her. Heck… I was an undesirable husband to her.

Full of flaws, scars, and everything else in between, what a husband I must be. I should have tried harder. I shouldn't have ever had that illusion of her loving me, being my wife, bearing my children. Ha… what a fool. I am such a fool. Yes… I am Mu Tsu… the greatest fool of all time. I dreamt to be her lover, did everything I could (even things I wasn't aware that I was capable of doing) for her, for her happiness. I acted so immaturely that I must have been so annoying in our Nerima days. I kept on telling her, "Shampoo, you should love me, why can't you see that I love you so…" or "Shampoo, be my bride, I will make you happy."

At one point I did everything to make Ranma Shampoo's husband when I realized that it would make her happy, but deep inside, I knew I was still being selfish. I wanted to have her still. My resolve often softened whenever I saw her, whenever I pictured her with someone else. Oh what a great fool, a great selfish fool I had been.

I think she reached the breaking point at Ranma and Akane's wedding. She gave up on everything then. I've always thought that she was full of pride, so full of determination and strong will. However, her sadness led her to be desperate, clumsy, and foolish. She started to become like me, a blind idiot who kept on hoping for something she knew she could never have. It was then that I realized how stupidly I had acted. I realized that she can't love me. She made a fool out of herself, did things to try to impress Ranma, but I was aware that it would only make him loathe her and destroy the friendship that had remained between the two of them. I had stopped all her attempts. Saved her from killing Akane or any other person, saved her from killing herself. But now that I think about it, I think I caused her inner death.

At one point she was being so hard on herself, she looked so sad and desperate. I had asked her to live, if not for herself, I asked her to live for me. I knew I was meaningless to her; I knew that I was unimportant. I told her she didn't have anything to lose anyway. I would do my best to make her happy. After I had seriously uttered my pledge of love, she stood up dazedly, asked me to fight her, and I did. I think she had done it on purpose, but she did it in front of witnesses to see. They have told me that I won fair and square but I knew. I knew that she did it on purpose. It was like she took my words too seriously. She didn't have anything to lose; her pride was unimportant to her already, she's willing to marry me just for the heck of it all. She was a broken doll; she can now be the broken man's wife.

It is a known fact that it is very dishonorable for amazons to take their own lives in their own desperation, unless it is to be taken by an enemy. I guess this was why Shampoo succumbed to suffering a fate as awful as death. Sometimes I wished that I didn't ask her to marry me. Whenever I see her so sad and aloof, I wanted to cry to my ancestors, shout in my anguish. Why do things have to be this way? Why does it seem like I am killing her by saving her life? We had not uttered a word to each other in our wedding day, though she smiled at all the visitors and all our relatives. She even laughed and fondly embraced Akane, as if saying, I got over your husband now, I have one of my own and _I love him_. But she never smiled a real smile for me. No. She didn't give me that privilege. I didn't deserve it. I deserved to die.

We went back to our village in China. She bought a house for us, or I think her relatives gave it to her as a wedding gift. I tried my best to be a good homemaker. I decided that I should try to bring back color to Shampoo's cheeks;

I need to make her smile once more. She may never love me but at least I could make her love living again. Day in and day out I took care of things around the house. I cooked, washed the clothes, cleaned the house, and did all my other duties as an Amazon husband. I did all these in the hopes of keeping Shampoo's honor that the other Amazons may think that she at least got a dutiful husband though he is nothing more than a blind idiot. She was very considerate for she often defended me when she had to. But at home she was quiet and I could see that she often had that desire to lock me out, do anything to keep me away from her. She was my wife, but she was like a distant stranger. On the first few months of our married life, she rarely talked to me. She couldn't even stand being in the same room with me. We do not have a relationship that a husband and wife are supposed to have, much less a relationship friends are supposed to have. I understood her situation. It must be hard to be with someone you married out of convenience or desperation.

After a few months she started going out. She often had meetings of all sorts as I often waited even in the wee hours of the morning for her to get home. Once she didn't return for two whole days and I started getting worried. She went home before dawn, a smile dancing on her lips – which soon disappeared after she saw me waiting for her at our doorstep. I must've looked like one of those narrow-minded jealous husbands… but I must admit I was one. I knew that she didn't love me, and I had accepted it. But the thought of her being unfaithful to me… I gazed piercingly at her then and asked, "Are you happy now…?" then I grabbed her shoulders and kissed her forcefully. I had never done it before, not even during our wedding. I poured my heart in that kiss, and my jealousy drove me insane. I forced myself to her and did not stop until I heard her disgruntled cry. She pushed me away and ran inside the house. She locked herself in her room and I was left alone in my shame… What a fool I've been… What a prejudiced fool. Shampoo was not like that. She may not love me, but I'm sure that she wouldn't do anything to shame me. What a mistake…

After that incident, I avoided her. I worked more and more. After I have done my husbandly duties at home, I attended to our small farm. It belonged to Shampoo's father, and it hadn't been tended in years. I knew I had to do something productive while letting my wife have her way. I was afraid of not quelling my urges and hurting her once more. At night, I would be so tired that I could barely walk. Maintaining a farm and a household was more strenuous than training in Jusenkyo. Though I have to admit that keeping my feelings under control is the hardest thing of all. At night, I would stare at the stars, wish that I could take them and give them to Shampoo. I want nothing more than to please her, to make her proud. All I've wanted is to have her love me. I want so much to hold her in my arms and whisper sweet nothings in her ears… give her daughters to bring us honor someday. I yearned for these things for myself. I want to feel her love, her happiness. I want to feel, truly feel like her husband – the man that would keep her happy, satisfied. What a fool I've been… how can I have these things when she can barely stand the sight of me? Whenever we see each other at home, she would look at me with uneasy eyes and mumble an excuse to leave me alone. We rarely attended social functions, and it was a silent agreement that we charade to look like a happy couple in front of everyone else's eyes. It would be advantageous to both of us. It was some of the moments I had enjoyed in my life. Though I knew it was all a game of make pretend, some moments felt so real that my heart felt like it was beating again. Each moment, each second was firmly carved in my memory. I guess this is the reason why I'm still breathing up to this moment.

But in the dark and lonely nights, I have devilish yearnings to end my life. Things seemed to be worse for me and Shampoo when we have decided to get married. Sometimes I would see her from the corner of my eye, staring longingly at the beautiful birds that fly across the sky. It's like she wants to break free and do things she didn't get to do because… because she was tied to me. I too want to break away from the misery I had caused. Dying was the only way. Suicide was one of the most dishonorable acts but it was, ironically enough, the only decent way to end a marriage. A death of a spouse, particularly a husband, would mean total freedom for his wife. I had once thought that I would give Shampoo supreme happiness once I've given myself fully to her. I have been totally wrong. I tried to do it but I was too much of a coward to end my life. I didn't want it to end that way. Maybe that was why I drove my self to work harder. I started to tend to the farm so much that I skipped my meals often. After cooking meals for Shampoo, I eagerly left the house to start tilling the fields. That saved me from having to dine quietly with Shampoo. Maybe, with me not destroying the ambiance of the place, the food I had lovingly cooked for her would be more appetizing. Sometimes I would wake up in the middle of the field, realizing that I had slept or maybe fallen unconscious while working with the cabbages and the radishes. I would come home and see Shampoo looking at me with something like pity… or even anger in her eyes. Once I went home and was surprised when she asked me to go to her room but as I went to my room to change, my knees started to get weak and I couldn't resist the urge to rest for a while. Whatever chore Shampoo had for me had to wait. I was dead tired. She refused to talk to me the next day. I apologized by doubling my work. I made her beautiful silk dresses and got her expensive jewelry from the money I got from small farm's produce. She thanked me, and had a hint of a smile, and I felt like I was in heaven. I guess that's when I stopped thinking or planning my death. I was inspired to work harder, to give Shampoo more gifts.

I started to feel cold. I guess too much blood has left me already. Now I am reminded of my current state. I am such a fool, thinking that I can make Shampoo happy. I can't even fight to save my life.

I was walking in the woods this morning to look for those flowers she liked even as we were little. That's when I encountered that horrible beast… I guess it wasn't really a big beast, judging from the way it's writhing right now. Ha! It's going to die first before me. I chuckled despite my current situation. The stupid beast had sent forth my retribution. Now I just have to wait for my own death to come. It is a stupid death, I know but… well. I guess I can give Shampoo her happiness now. With me gone, everything would be fine again. I just hope she won't do anything bad to… no, she has matured a lot. I'm sure she wouldn't do anything that would risk her life, or her happiness. She won't make a mistake as grave as marrying a fool like me. At least… at least I can finally please her with my death. Would she shed a tear or two? Will she remember our friendship? Will she think of me…?

"Xian Pu… wo… wo ai ni…" I whispered in the wind, hoping it would make its way to her. Shampoo… I love you… I always have, I always will… I'm sorry for all that I've put you through… but I hope that at one point you felt it. You felt how much I truly love you.

It's getting darker… and darker… I couldn't resist closing my eyes… Shampoo… I love you… Goodbye…

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Author's notes: Yes, another shot at unrequited love from me. And just in case you're wondering, no, I don't have a tragic past; I'm just sadistic and a bit psycho. Mousse seems to be more mature in this one (but then again, he's often mature in fics) and might seem OOC. This is my 8th M/S fic and I must admit this is the first time I made him THIS serious

I finally got the time to update this and correct some grammatical/spelling errors. So there. If you noticed any thing weird or different, it's because I edited it a bit. Well anyway, I do hope you read the next chapter! ;)


	2. Shampoo

I have to find him before it's too late. I was ready to destroy all the trees if that's what I had to do to find him. I felt it. A lot of people call it woman's intuition but cold sweat broke through my body this morning, as soon as I woke up. I tried to ignore it at first but my husband's absence worried me. I don't know how or why but I feel a certain force drawing me to the woods. Oh ancestors, please don't leave him. Please don't let them take him away. I need him. I really do.

He had given me a reason to live. Before he was just a nuisance to me but he stayed, as if he knew all along that I needed him in my life. It was as if he knew that I would be nothing without him. I had often rejected him, pained him over and over again. I made him suffer a thousand deaths yet he continued to live for me. Sometimes, I wanted to turn him away, in hopes of making him leave his pathetic ways. I wanted him to live a life of his own, yet he always lingered by my side. He had always been my shadow for as long as I can remember.

He seemed to be always present in every single memory I have in all my years of existence. He was a friend at first, a playmate that seemed to like the things I liked, who played with me from dusk till dawn. But later on he had to complicate things and asked me to be his bride – we were merely toddlers back then. When I look back to that day, I start to wonder how advanced his way of thinking was, even back then. Mousse is a very deep thinker, a person with real intellect despite our tribe's judgment. Then again I guess… he became an idiot for me. What person in his right mind would continue to pursue a pompous spoiled Amazon brat who cared about nothing else but her self and her family pride? I refused to play with him when reality told me that he was a 'reject,' a weakling. I went against my nature by pushing him away for other people's company though we rarely understood each other. No one ever understood me as Mousse had. He knew more things about me than what I knew about myself. He followed me everywhere, did everything he could to keep up with me, including training various martial arts. He was a scholar by nature, not a fighter, but he forgot all these just to be at my pace, so we'd have reasons to meet again. I tried so hard to get into interests that I didn't expect him to follow or pursue, to get rid of him. He was a nuisance, a thorn… but what I kept denying was that… I was afraid. I was afraid of him. I was afraid because he knew too much about me. He accepted too much of me that he didn't care about my faults or my flaws. He didn't give a damn as to where I belonged or how arrogant I can be. This scared me. I wanted someone to love me because I was special, because I am perfect in his eyes. Yet Mousse loved me, every single part of me, I don't have to impress him for him to love me. I don't have to pretend to be someone I'm not for him to accept me. To me it seemed like shallow perfection; I was perfect in his eyes without disregarding my flaws – it was like I was perfectly imperfect. I am ashamed of my flaws, I am ashamed of being imperfect, and to know that someone loves me despite my imperfections is a blow to my ego. What am I, a second-grade person that does not need improvement? I want my future husband to see that I am the epitome of excellence, that he would not have a reason to ever be ashamed of me.

This was why I enjoyed pursuing Ranma. To him, I was imperfect. I was one of his pesky concubines who continually get him into trouble. I enjoyed pleasing him, because whenever I do, I feel like a brand new and improved person. My goal was to be perfect in his eyes, not like the tomboy or the "pervert girl" who he … eventually fell in love with. I started to become desperate. Why didn't I ever get to please him, no matter how much I tried? He kept on coming back to his stupid girl and leave me behind. Why am I always not good enough for him? Why do I always have to be the second priority? Why can't he just treat me as Mousse does?

After a few months, Mousse appeared at Nekohanten's doorstep (after challenging Ranma and that whole kidnapping fiasco) and offered to be a "part-time" boy. At first I was filled with joy. Finally, after all the stress I've been through, I'll be with someone who understands me, someone who will like me no matter what. But he changed. He surprised me a lot. He fought for me, countless of times. He was jealous, I know, and the dark woman in me wanted to make him jealous, because it made me feel important. What a fool I had been. I wished for him to be someone he's not. He started to treat me like I was the perfect goddess, continued to pursue me and never saw my faults. I beat him up often, abused him, mistreated him, but he always came back, and often with more ardor as before.

I became annoyed. Why can't he love me for who I am, and not who he pictured me in his mind to be? Why can't he love me not because I seem so perfect, but because I was human? I totally reversed my belief. It was then that I realized that you do not have to be perfect for the person to love you. It feels more rewarding to be loved despite your flaws, despite your misgivings. It is because we find only in imperfection the true meaning of faultlessness, the true meaning of love. It was only then that I realized that love is when a person holds someone so dearly that his eyes are not closed to her faults but the person molded himself to fill in the gaps to complete the person he/she loves. It was then when I realized why Ranma loved Akane so much – and I wanted that love for myself. More jealous than ever, I started to do worse things. I often schemed, used trickery and deception to reach my goal. I was starting to become crazier than that gymnast, Kodachi, is her name, if I'm not mistaken. A few times, I had fooled Mousse into being a tool in my ploy to get Ranma. I started to become more callous, more unaware of his love for me. Ranma continued to offer me his friendship and I mistook it for affection. I felt as though he loved me even more when he gave an extra effort to bend or mold himself to me since I have made myself more imperfect because of my insanity. I was blind to the fact that Mousse suffered even more, because he was the one who truly understood me. He accepted me, continued to follow me, tried to love me the way I originally wanted him to. He didn't give up on me though I was starting to turn myself into a monster. Ranma was there because maybe he thought my antics were just the typical craziness his other concubines and rivals have come up with; Mousse was there because he knew I was someone better, that he just had to wait and help me open my eyes to see what I have done to myself.

Mousse was there to give the love I had wanted. He had been giving it to me all along. I was just too blind to see it. It was such an irony how his physical blindness could not compare to the blindness of my heart. If he was blind as a bat, I never had eyes at all. I totally forgot the fact that the love I was running away from was the kind of love I was desperately seeking at that moment. This realization dawned on me on Ranma's wedding, when not even the Amazon laws could help me grab him for myself. Great-grandmother somehow worked her way around the law and lifted the order of marrying Ranma or killing his girl-half. I guess she did this because she saw the bad effects it had on me, because she loved me. When I look back on those miserable days now, I can finally see how thoughtless I had been. A lot of people loved me when I was still chasing after one man's love. His love wouldn't matter for it won't compare to the love of people close to me combined. Ranma did love me, but only as a friend. The love I was looking for could only be provided by the man for me. And that man was Mousse.

In the haze of my confusion and desperation, I gave up on life. The Amazon brat in me was living again (but then again, it never died.) I was so immature in thinking that life was so unfair because I couldn't get something I wanted even if I worked hard for it. Chasing Ranma took over my life completely, and now that his chapter is closed in my life, I have nowhere else to go. He took up so much space in my life I don't even know where to pick my self up anymore. I don't even know how to stand again. I was feeling ashamed of myself again. I left our tribe as a proud, ideal Amazon warrior. I was royalty, and I was viewed to be one who would never face failure. Now I shall return as a shameful, empty person. I went to great lengths to get Ranma, stoop down on a level way lower than I have ever imagined. I felt so ashamed of myself. I didn't deserve to live. Just then, Mousse had to be a saint for me… again. I often wondered why he was always the one who ends up rescuing me when I want someone else to do it. Why was he always there when I wanted to kill someone? Why did he always have to be my voice of reason? Why ancestors? Why did you always have to send Mousse? He asked me to live for him, if I didn't find a reason to live for myself anymore. At first I wanted to yell at him for being so arrogant. Live for him? I barely even acknowledge him. Then I saw a man who still had faith in me after all that has happened in my life. What right have I to reject him again? He was right – I had nothing to lose. It was a total advantage. Marrying him would put aside the fact that I had failed in my mission. I wouldn't have to return shamefully to China; the other Amazons don't fully know what had transpired in Nerima anyway. The only failure they know was my failure to marry Ranma, but my great-grandmother already took care of that, and now its hidden stigma will totally be eradicated. Amazons are still women after all, and if they thought that I have found my true love and married him instead since all other obstacles have been erased already, they would see the tenderness and the romance behind that lie. It wouldn't be hard to believe, since Mousse had been chasing me since childhood. He had defeated many formidable enemies and had uplifted his status in our tribe; it's highly plausible that he's stronger than me. He can be viewed as a good catch. Some women might even look at me as a gracious hero, having granted a man's dream. It would seem like Mousse should thank me for marrying him, when in fact it's the other way around.

I sometimes wonder where I would be now if I didn't have his love. And why he loves me is still a mystery to me. So much time had been wasted because of my stubbornness and hollow pride. I have given my savior so much pain that not even the strongest man, or woman on earth can endure. Mousse is truly a strong man, way stronger than me. He became strong for me. He can kill me in a second if he willed it. But he never wanted to hurt me so he failed over and over again. Yet on that day, that fateful day when we fought, physically, for the last time, I felt his strength. His effort was enough for me to give up. I feared him; his aura was burning harshly like some warrior god. Strong as he seemed, I felt a certain gentleness in his strikes. Such control takes years, much training to master. All it took him was his inherent strength and love for me. I guess this was what our elders thought of when they made the Amazon laws. This was what true strength meant. We soon got married after that incident. We went back home to China, and lived on my old home when I was still a child, but now that I am of the right age, it became officially our property – my husband's and mine. In those months, I was still getting over the fact that everything was over, the chase for Ranma, the scheming, and the fighting. It was sad how I have adjusted to a certain pattern for quite a long time only to break away from it and start anew. I was a married Amazon woman now; I was no longer the haughty brat. Of all the changes that have happened in my life however, the idea of having a lifelong partner, a mate, a husband was the one that was hardest to adapt to. Then I started to realize how much I had missed. I was still young, not even in my twenties yet but there I was, having new responsibilities and a different lifestyle. I couldn't do the things my other friends are still doing. I couldn't do the things I had dreamt of doing when I was a child. Though most of my generation is already married, I still felt lacking. It was because I was far from home for so long, in an unsuccessful quest. Sure life in Nerima was fun and unforgettable but … things were not the same. Added to that was the pressure to be a good wife. I often looked at Mousse quietly from the corner of my eyes as he did his chores so well like he had been doing it for years. My peers often envied me for having such a dutiful husband. I didn't have to tell him what I wanted or needed; he just works and does everything in his own little way. I just knew it. I wasn't ready for marriage. I was at a loss on how to do things. I didn't know how to act, how to speak, how to feel. I didn't know if I should do this or that. I wanted to do so many things and yet I couldn't even do the things I was supposed to do. But most of all, I didn't know how to love. I had no idea how to return the love and affection my husband has been showering me with. I didn't know how to treat him, after I abused him for such a long long time. I even forgot how to be his friend. All these anxieties pressed down on me. I just had to escape. I was a horrible wife. I was away often, enjoying myself like a crazy delinquent. I went on secret rendezvous with my friends, drank things I almost cannot tolerate, as my husband stayed at home, performing his husbandly duties. I was out there seeking heaven as my husband burned in hell. The few moments we spent together were tense and cold. I rarely gave him praise for all that he has done. I would even sometimes insult him - hurt him in my haze. Not being able to know how to love him caused me to hate him, or at least make him feel that way. Yet he never complained, never uttered a word of resentment. He always complied with what I wanted. We didn't even share a single intimate moment together – he never forced me to.

One day however, I had tested his patience too much. He had reached his breaking point. I went out on a hunting trip with my friends, and some of their acquaintances, off to the nearby village. I was having so much fun that I purposely forgot about time. I went home before dawn, several days after. I didn't expect him to be there, waiting for me at that hour, but he was there, sitting dejectedly at our house's front steps. He was wearing his thick glasses yet I can still see his swollen eyes and the deep dark lines under them and his slumped shoulders were shivering slightly from the cold. It hit me so hard that I stared at him, dumbfounded, for a while. His eyes looked up to see me, and I saw fire burning in his eyes. He quickly grabbed my shoulders almost violently and I felt such an enormous strength not even close to anything I have felt before. I didn't even have time to feel fear when his mouth closed down on mine, letting me feel his wrath in the worst yet most unexpected way. For the first time, I felt the intense power he had over me. The feeling was inexplicable for a thousand emotions surged through my whole being at that moment. Yet at one point, fear was the strongest emotion of all and I had to break away. I ran inside the house when I got the opportunity, locked my room's door as I tried to calm my speeding heart. I looked at my reflection at the mirror, touched my partly swollen lips and it dawned on me how much I had hurt him. I am a monster;

I didn't deserve to live. I didn't deserve his love. I had to stop before… Enough is enough. I felt so much shame. I didn't even know how to face him anymore. He did nothing but to please me, yet all I did was cause him pain. I had to leave my selfish ways. I was now his wife, and that's what I should be. I no longer have to live for myself alone, I have to live for him too. I woke up the next day to realize that he was not there. I broke down and cried when I thought that he had left me, but then he came back after a while – it was the biggest relief I've had in my life. Yet he started to be cold and distant. It was as if he started drifting away from me. I rarely saw him, or even had the opportunity to talk to him. He was often not home, and I had a lot of affairs I had to attend to. I often thought of ways to please him yet my ideas soon disappeared whenever I saw his unflappable expression, so far from the lively demeanor he always had. He never smiled, and seemed to be almost frowning. Oh ancestors… did it finally happen? Did he stop loving me? I was devastated for days. I cried for countless of hours before I slept as these thoughts crossed my mind. I destroyed him. What have I done? I later on learned that he was tending my father's farm, as an act of escape maybe? He often missed his meals, and he looked fatigued whenever I saw him. I wanted to cry to him…Mousse… stop… you have to stop. Stop killing yourself! One night I decided to do just that. I asked him to go to my room. I had to tell him everything once and for all; I had to tell him how sorry I was … how much… I waited. Minutes turned into hours and he still wasn't there. Maybe he didn't want to see me… Maybe he resented me. I walked silently to his room. I had to apologize to him that night. I knocked at his door and after five tries without a reply; I finally decided to go in. There he was, half naked and half dressed with half of his body draped down in his small bed. He was snoring lightly and I couldn't help myself from touching his serene face. I knelt down beside him to look at him more closely. He was probably so tired that he fell asleep. I touched his unclothed back and felt the deep scars he had through my fingertips. He probably had more, and I probably made most of them. I felt so much guilt for marring his almost angelic image. Tears started to trickle down my cheeks as I whispered my heartfelt apology to him. And then I succumbed to the temptation I cannot resist… I touched his slightly parted lips with mine and felt something inexplicable in my heart. I … I loved him. The feeling was so deep I had to run away again… For days I couldn't look at him straight in the eye. Foolish as it may seem, I felt like I crossed the line for the latest addition to my list of offenses against Mousse was taking advantage of him in a very intimate way. My feelings for him were so tender that I… I actually felt shy over him… though I knew it seemed uncharacteristic for me to do so. The feeling I got whenever he was near was far from what I have felt for Ranma. I simply cannot explain it. I thought of him during daytime, I dreamt of him during the night. I realized that I've loved him all along, yet I only admitted it to myself now. Sure, I didn't know how to love, but now I know how it truly feels like. Maybe before I had loved him as a dear friend but through the countless moments I have spent with him, I fell in love with him completely – as a wife loves her husband.

Oh Mousse, my love, my husband… where are you know? Please tell me. Oh ancestors, help me find him. I can feel my heart beating madly in my chest. Mousse; don't leave me… especially now that I haven't even told you that I love you so much. I'm so stupid. I have wasted so much time; I have caused you so much pain. I swear to you that I'll spend the rest of my lifetime paying for that mistake, and cherishing the love that you gave me. I'll make it up to you… I'll be the best wife that you could ever have.

Please tell me where you are… let me hear your voice once more… I'd give away my very life just to hear your voice right now, to hear you say those three precious words one more time … no for all eternity that we'll spend together from now on… Mousse… please… Mousse…

Don't go… I love you…

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Author's notes: Yes… that was the utterly confusing and extremely mushy continuation of the fic I didn't intentionally want to continue. But well, yeah, being a fan myself, it seemed so… incomplete.

Thank you to all my very kind reviewers!! You were part of the reason why I continued it. Also, I want to thank you for making suggestions and other things that helped me in creating and editing this fic (like Preventer Squall and Gside.) And oh yeah, I forgot to mention that my other fics (4 of them if I'm not mistaken, the 5th and unfinished one is in the message board) are actually in the M/S fanfiction Archive… under my real name. So there. Bye-bye!! Thanks again!!


	3. Goodbye?

Blood… so much blood.

I had never seen the earth bathed in crimson before. I didn't want to proceed, a part of me afraid of what I'll see, of what I'll find out. Yet I moved on, because somehow I knew… I knew that something was bound to happen.

For the first time in my life, I loathed the fact that I was right.

I followed a trail of blood that had tinted the soil and the leaves in the core of the forest, not expecting … or wanting to see the image that is now before my eyes. There it was… the monster that was said to have damaged several lands and properties that belonged to the neighboring towns. It was looked like a wolf, only several times bigger, with sharper teeth and more dangerous claws. Great grandmother had mentioned it another day and said that townsfolk believed that it was possessed by some evil spirit and got blinded with fury. It was now lying, lifeless in a pool of blood. Its body mangled and torn, its teeth and claws tainted with blood. I would have pitied the monster for what had befallen him if only I hadn't turned around and saw him…

I didn't want to move but I heard his voice. I quickly turned around, seeking him, desperately wanting to touch him and there he was… lying there, bathed in his own blood … Mousse… he was writhing slightly, his head a mass of tangled hair and blood… it was so red… it … it was everywhere… his torn clothes… his face… his hands… his chest… soaked in his blood… life ebbing away… I want to hold him … but… he's in pain… Oh ancestors … I might hurt him more… he was barely breathing… his lips… blood on his lips…blood …the monster…

"You have not bled enough!" I tore at its flesh feeling a sharp pain in my heart with every stab, with every sound of torn flesh with every drop of blood that I have squeezed out of the animal… Give it back… this blood is not yours… give it back… give it back! He might die… he might die and it's all your fault…

It's all my fault.

I stood up, realizing that the monster was dead and Mousse wasn't. I crawled beside him, touched his face with shaky fingers…

"Xian Pu… wo… wo ai ni…" I heard it… barely audible but I heard it.

I saw raindrops falling down his cheeks then, and I realized that they were from my eyes… they were my tears… Mousse. No, don't leave me now… I won't let you…

"You can't leave me airen…" I locked him in a tight embrace, lifting him from the bloody ground, His head stooped and fell on my shoulder, his chest was against mine… yet I could only feel my own heartbeat… Mousse… no… no… you can't….

"I love you… I love you more than anything else in the world."

I won't let you die. You can't just give me my life and end yours. Call me selfish, call me heartless but I can't just let you go. I love you. I love you so much.

I ran, holding him tightly in my arms. I won't give up… I'll do anything, even if I had to offer my life to save his… I was sobbing hysterically that I didn't know what was happening anymore… Someone was taking Mousse away from my grasp… No… No! Don't take him, Stop! Stop pulling him away from me...

Then I heard it… they were calling my name… stop… Leave me alone! I need to save Mousse… go away…. No… Mousse… Save him… save him

I woke up with a slight pain in my neck. What… where…. How…?

"It's all right granddaughter, everything's fine," that voice. I looked up to see great grandma. "He's getting treated right now…"

The words she formed in her mouth started to make sense… Mousse is… I have to see him…I have to hold him…

"I have temporarily paralyzed you. You made quite a ruckus when you got here this morning." She stood up and got a small teacup. "You were screaming and crying with your husband in your arms. The women were trying to get him to bring him to the treatment chamber but you were clinging to him so tightly."

Now I feel my mind is not swirling as much as before.

"They have been there… for hours. The whole village is now distressed because of what happened. Our family is doing everything…" She placed the teacup in the bedside table as she glanced at my direction. I suppose she got to see the words in my eyes, the questions, the anxieties…

"Xian pu, do you promise not to act recklessly once I've released you?" great grandma was so serious I didn't know her forehead could be wrinkled any further.

I tried to nod, to tell her everything is under control, but no matter what I say, my heart would not rest until I see him.

She hit a pressure point in my back and within seconds I was able to move again. I sat down quietly, eyes focusing on the ground. Where do I start? Can I handle the truth?

"Great grandma…"

"Xian pu, he had been part of this family too, one way or another, and I understand that he had been your friend for the longest time,"

"No, you don't understand great grandma… Mousse… I … I love him. I truly do. I may not have loved him then but I do now. He's more than just family… he's my other half. I am his."

The revelation seemed to appall her as I saw her flinch a little.

"I don't care if it's right or wrong. I have been wrong all my life. Now I want to…"

"No child, there's nothing wrong. It's just that… I thought that… it would not be as painful if…" It's a sight to see her stuttering in front of me when she had been a strong voice of wisdom in the most critical situations.

"Please, just tell me."

"The doctor, everyone did all they could but…"

"But what?"

"He may not last the night."

The air seemed to vanish like there was nothing else left for me to breathe in… but as I placed my hand in my chest and felt my heartbeat, I knew…I knew that I was still alive, and that the air didn't cease to exist. This was not one of those horrible dreams… this was for real.

"I… I refuse to believe that!" I stood up rebelliously, as I felt my nails digging the skin in my fists. Yet as images of him appeared in my head once more… bloodied in the ground, barely breathing, barely alive… I couldn't fight back the tears, couldn't fight back the emptiness reality has shoved in my face.

No… he can't die… he can't…

Grandma hugged me, as I sobbed in her arms. The tears do not even seem to help lessen the anguish that had filled my heart. It finally came… the punishment that I have brought upon myself. My retribution was his final sacrifice… why? Why did things have to end this way?

Grandma brought me there, to the place where he lay, waiting for death to come. A lot of people were gathered there, my relatives, our friends, the doctor who explained to me his condition. I saw his mother, her eyes swollen with grief. She held me in an embrace similar to that of a mother to her daughter.

"He loved you… I beg of you, daughter. Give my son a reason to live. Or even just a reason to … leave in peace."

It was such an irony how I always wanted to get rid of him yet now I couldn't find the strength to let him go. I wiped away the tears in my eyes as I entered the room; only to have them flowing again once the sight of him hit me.

He was lying there, pale against the moonlight. His body was swathed in bandages, with the uncovered skin being either black or blue. Anyone who would have seen him would say that he's in death's door, and soon to be with our ancestors but…

I knelt down and held his hand, never turning my gaze away from his face. I watched as he took labored breath after breath for it was a sign that he was still with me and all was not lost. His hands were as cold as ice yet his face was warm with fever.

Mousse…I… I do not know where to start. I saw you there this morning and I… I felt my world crashing down on me. You've always been there, never leaving my side. I tried to move away, a lot of times. I tried to avoid you, tried to lose you but you always came back, you always found your way to me… and found your way to my heart.

I have done a lot of idiotic things in my life, I know. I have been foolish, uncaring, and my biggest regret was not telling you sooner… not realizing sooner ... that I was meant to love you all along. I refused to love for the longest time; I was driven by ambition, by selfishness… by stupidity.

And now … you're here… Mu Tsu, I want to take your pain away… I wish I were the one lying there wounded, in your place. I've done nothing but cause you pain. Now I want to change the past - move the stars. I wish… I wish that we had never met. I have given you misery since the first time we said hello. I had caused you nothing but pain. You have been scarred with my own hands; your feelings have been hurt with my own words. Your love for me almost destroyed you. You never would have gone through the pain… the suffering of chasing an idiot like me. You deserve so much more than what I could offer. I want to give you my life… my heart, my self, my future, my whole being but I know it wouldn't be enough.

This was harder than I thought.

I came here to beg… to stop you from leaving me. I love you Mousse. I could not find it in my heart to let you go. Without you in my life… my love, I will die. But now I've realized that you're better off without me. Oh gods… if my wish ever came true… If I were never given the chance to meet you, to be with you in this lifetime, I know… I am sure that I would die for my heart would always yearn for you; yet I would be consoled by the thought that you are living a peaceful life. But now we are faced in a situation wherein…

Mousse, I want to beg you to live… like how you asked me to live for you. But… seeing you in pain right now breaks my heart. They say… heaven is a place full of eternal happiness…

I can't go on …

I threw my arms around him, now sobbing like a child against his neck. They say that when you love someone, you have to let them go… yet this feeling exceeds the one I've felt when I let the people I loved go before… like my mother or… Ranma. What am I doing… telling him to never cross paths with me again…

Mousse, I just want you to be happy. I want to offer you a world devoid of grief yet the only way to do that is to let you go…forever… to let you live in another world, another lifetime without me in it. Go… leave this pain behind…

And I'll be waiting forever for that time when I can see you once more, and I will love you from afar.

Wo ai ni… wo ai ni… wo ai ni… Mu Tsu wo ai ni…

"…But… Xian pu… don't … you know that… I … would rather die a thousand deaths than to live… a… whole lifetime…. without you in it…?" his lips were shaking as he turned his head and kissed my forehead.

Surprised, I lifted my head to see him taking quicker breaths. "If you… would still… have me…. I want to … live in this world… to feel it all… the pain… the misery… your love…"

"Mu tsu…but I…"

"You … are … my happiness Xian pu… it doesn't matter… what had happened between us… I wouldn't want … to… change … a thing."

I couldn't seem to find the words to tell him how I feel, I was overwhelmed myself to say the least. I couldn't stop myself from crying back in his arms, but now I knew that they were tears of joy. We both had been fools in our journey in loving each other. And now I had to be a fool no more.

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Author's notes:

My brain's not working properly lately… I must admit I'm not satisfied with this chapter. I dunno if it's just me or… gyaaah.. it really sucks (but I guess anything you read at 3 am can potentially suck.) gyaah!! I'm sorry if it wasn't as angsty as you expected. I've been happy a lot this week… actually, more of neutral because I've been doing absolutely nothing.

Sorry, Actually, I was thinking that mousse should die. (but from this point, he can actually die, suffocation, after all the hugging and the sobbing Shampoo had been doing.) But it would be totally un-Ranma if he did. I mean, Ranma's a happy anime and all… well… sort of. So there. Maybe I can kill him off sometime.

Oh yeah, thanks for everyone that had reviewed. I hope I didn't let you guys down. I'm still working hard on improving my skills…

Waaah!! I'm so happy to see Gside! Thanks for the comment about the grammar. I need those… a lot. Hehehe. Thanks. About Sent Over The Edge --- I actually thought of hooking it to this fic (since it was Shampoo Pov and all…) but uh… that would be unfair. (I like shortcuts…hehehehe) Right now it's in my dead fics folder, but don't worry, I'll try to revive it… soon.

WHOOOSH! Sorry about that long author's note!! (I want more faaaame!!! More time to talk!!! Pleeeeaaaase!!!) So now I shall leave you so you can click on that review button thingy if you can… Thanks!! Bye!!!


	4. Happy Ending

I felt as if thousands of daggers were stabbing my head. It throbbed painfully and nothing I can do can seem to make it go away. I wanted to just topple over and die when I felt a hand brush over my forehead, ever so gently and the simple touch seemed to send the wicked pain away.

"Go back to sleep, airen, I'll just be here…" said the voice that came with the warm and loving hands and I succumbed to the comfort it gave me… it was funny but I thought it was Shampoo's voice that. I heard…

After a long and dreamless sleep, I finally awoke. I blinked several times and assumed it was nighttime as the darkness never faded, yet I felt warmth in my arms and heard the birds chattering noisily outside.

Maybe I have finally gone completely blind. With a slight feeling of panic, I placed my hands in front of my eyes only to realize that one of them is in a cast while the other is wrapped in bandages. I waved them slightly and saw their fuzzy outline. … no… not completely blind… or at least not yet.

What happened? I can't seem to remember what I have gotten myself into. Maybe I had another accident? Or maybe I have…

"It's a good thing you're awake now son-in-law," surprised, I turned my head to seek out where the voice came from.

"Don't bother wasting your energy," she said, as she held my bandaged hand gently. "I am right here. You took quite a beating you know?"

Cologne? What is she doing here? And …beating?

"You probably don't remember anything that has transpired the past few weeks. In fact, you have been asleep for more than ten days now. The medicines that were given to you may have caused you to forget anything that happened recently…Mu tzu?"

I thought about what she said and I couldn't quite understand it … all I remember was that I wanted to get flowers… red flowers…for…Shampoo… and.

"There was a battle…? I survived?" I asked mostly myself but I got an answer nonetheless.

"You were badly injured. It's a good thing Xian pu found you… you could have died on that ground then and there."

Shampoo rescued …me? Things just aren't making any sense but… Oh Shampoo, I have made yet another imposition… how can I make her love …or even like me now… I…

"Are you all right? Would you like to take some analgesics?" she sounded almost worried about me. My injuries might have really been bad.

"No…I'm all right… where is Shampoo? I must apologize for the trouble I have caused her…" every move I made seemed to cause my limbs to cry out in pain. "I'm sorry for being such a bother."

I didn't expect my knees to be this weak as I nearly collapsed when I finally got out of bed. I tried to search for a pair of spectacles inside my loose robe's sleeves yet I couldn't find one.

"Elder… about my eyes…"

"That's great grandmother to you boy," I was taken aback by her sudden kindness. It was only now that she showed signs that she accepted me as part of their family… yet her next words troubled me even more. "Forgive my bluntness, but you'll find out sooner or later anyway. Blows to your head may have damaged your eyes more. The doctor said that it is possible that you'd completely lose your sight in a month or two."

Being completely blind never really bothered me. Darkness had always been my friend. Yet… now that I am more vulnerable than I used to be…now that I am weaker than ever before… how can I possibly be a good husband to Shampoo now? I will be nothing more than a heavy load to her. Maybe it's about time that I actually forget about pride and this marriage…

"Honored el… I mean… Great grandmother…my marriage with Shampoo is…"

"Whatever that must be discussed about your marriage, you must discuss with your wife first." she deliberately cut me off, as if reading my thoughts. "Are you well enough to walk? I shall leave you here for now. I'll check on you tomorrow."

I nodded slightly and heard her leave the room. I felt a deep ache in my chest with every step I took towards the door. What must I tell Shampoo?

_"Go back to sleep, airen, I'll just be here…"_

It was odd, yet the words repeated themselves in my head. Shampoo's voice told me over and over again… told me to rest with such caring, such love in her voice. Is it possible that my weakened state had caused me to be utterly delusional?

I was so absorbed in my thoughts that I missed a step in the path outside the house. Instead of hitting the hard ground, I felt a pair of arms around my chest, almost like an embrace … an embrace I can only dream of receiving.

"Mu Tzu? What are you doing up?"

There it was again…the gentle, loving voice…

"Xi…Xian pu!?" she steadied me and reached out to fasten my clothes. It seems like I forgot to button them correctly.

"There, you're still weak and the winds are a bit chilly… you might catch a cold …" her touch was gentle wherever she touched me… and I started to doubt whether I was in the right place or not. If not for the pain I was feeling all over my body, I would have thought that she …that I… that what was happening right now was all merely a dream.

"Xian pu…I don't know what transpired in the past few weeks but I want to apologize for all the troubles I have caused… I know you don't deserve all this and …" she placed a finger in my lips to stop me from blathering. I would have understood the gesture much better if she just opted to whack my head or did something like it to stop me from speaking.

"You're right. I don't deserve this. All of this." I felt it. Her words stabbed my heart. I was well aware of that fact for a long time now but it somehow felt different when I finally heard her say it out loud. Why did I not have the power to make her feel more secure, to give her what she needed…what she wanted. Why was I such a useless, incompetent, blind fool that I cannot even give her happiness and…

"Neither do you. You deserve so much more Mu Tzu…"

You deserve much more…? It has been a long time since she last called me by my given name. Wait. What did she say? I almost cannot see it, but I somehow felt it in the cold air that enveloped us… her melancholic eyes were cast down, like she was feeling regret or even…guilt?

She gently took my hands and placed it around her shoulders. I couldn't do anything but comply as I felt too weak … and confused to act otherwise. What was happening? It feels like I missed the biggest turnabout in my life yet. She placed one of her arms at my back as the other was placed on my chest firmly. I guessed she too felt the insane beating of my speeding heart.

I was not sure where she was taking me but after a while she motioned for me to bend down a little and rest in the ground. She took my hand in hers and let me touch something… something that seemed to be leafy…

"A Chinese cabbage?" I asked reluctantly as I turned my head toward her direction. That's right; we're here in my vegetable patch. The ground smelled as if it was just watered and the vegetables seemed to be as fresh as they can be.

"You see… I only found out some time ago that you started to plant vegetables here in _our_ garden. You were unconscious for a while so I decided to take care of your plants …I saw how hard you took care of them and I couldn't let your efforts be wasted. I hope you don't mind." She talked softly and the sad tone was still in her voice.

"No, of course I don't. After all, this used to be your father's garden."

"But it's yours now."

I felt as though she was giving me something more … I can't quite put a finger to it but…

"You see, this garden was full of weeds and was totally unfertile after being so neglected for a while. I suppose… this land was also stubborn in a way as it wanted so much more than what it already has." She gently placed a hand on my cheek and turned my head towards hers. I can see her eyes… and they were brimming with tears.

"Mu Tzu, you took care of this land. Saw its potential when no one else bothered to stick to it. And look at it now, it's thriving well. Even though it pained you…even though it almost took your life."

"Xian pu I… don't understand."

"You haven't forgotten all of it, have you? All that happened the past week?" she searched my eyes for an answer as I probed my mind, my memory for one yet it was blank…

_Go back to sleep, airen, I'll just be here…_

"I wished that you have forgotten everything before that accident instead of what came after but… Mu Tzu.. I … I want to thank you for taking care of me…and now I regret not doing the same thing after all these years…"

Shampoo…is it possible that she finally…finally learned to love me? Am I more than just a nuisance to her now?

"Mu Tzu..wo ai ni..." her face slowly inched closer to mine and my lips are just a few seconds away from her touch …the kiss I have always dreamed of… the words I have often wished for…I…

"No Xian pu," I turned my head away and closed my eyes tightly, "no, you don't. You're just feeling sorry. Please don't. You have never sinned against me…"

"But Mu tzu!"

"Xian pu, I'll be completely blind in a few months, and I am weaker than a child in my current state. I cannot possibly be a fit husband… a fit lover for you. I'm sorry for even thinking that I deserved you…" I may be losing my sight completely but not my resolve. I must not…cannot let her do this…

"No, you will not go completely blind. I will not permit it. Let's find a cure, together. Anything Mu Tzu. Just don't leave me. I've completely fallen in love with you now, more than ever. I cannot let you go ever again." She then gently wiped my tears away. "It is I who doesn't deserve you. You've loved me for so long and I have not treated you the way I should…if only my love would be enough to compensate for all that I have done…"

"But it is my love…it is enough." I placed my hand in front of her hand and our lips finally met… sealing our promise, our new vow to each other…

"I love you Xian pu"

"I love you Mu Tzu…I love you so…"

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I blinked as I saw the raindrops fall against the windows. I wondered when it started raining. It didn't matter. My husband and I are safe here inside this ferry. Surely no unintended transformations will happen in a while.

I looked down and couldn't help but smile as I saw his sleeping face resting in my lap. We have been traveling for days and surely he must be extremely tired by now. The ride to Japan would probably take several hours and I hope that would be enough to get some of his energy back. I fondly brushed his hair back and loosened his clothes slightly to make him feel more comfortable. His wounds weren't completely healed yet but he has shown great improvement in the past few weeks.

And now we were in a race against time to save his eyesight. Although it didn't matter much to me if he could see or not, I felt that he deserved to have clear sight. After all, it's the least he deserved for all those years he spent …he spent running after me and getting some sense into this thick head of mine. It was odd how I have always been the blind idiot and not him.

I feel more alive now than I ever did before. Maybe it was because it was refreshing to finally love someone who loves you back. I have never felt this happiness wash over me before… I mean, merely gazing at this man's sleeping face resting now in my lap gave me inexplicable joy that it almost felt silly… I couldn't quite comprehend it, but I'm glad that I found this happiness with him. He may be the clumsiest, most annoying, and most irritating Amazon man on earth but I love him. Yes. I love him. I want to say that again, I love Mousse.

"Hmm... Shampoo…" he groaned, and I bent down to kiss the frown away from his forehead. He rewarded me with a slight smile and it seemed like he was fine again.

We weren't always like this. I wonder how the people in Nerima would react once they see us again. Sure, we still bicker and I still call him a stupid duck boy (but it's more of a term of endearment now) but… I laughed slightly at the thought. It wouldn't matter. They're all probably as "jelly-like" as I am now.

"Shampoo…?" I was surprised to see Mousse's half open eyelids looking up at me. He looked like he was still asleep. "Shampoo, if I lose against Ranma in a rematch…you'd still love me right?"

What a silly question. Something only a man who is half awake would ask. "Of course!" I giggled slightly, "but you better win, for there's a slight chance that I would change my mind."

"Ha, I thought so…" he grinned. He can be so arrogant sometimes, even in his sleep. Within a minute he was snoring slightly again.

Yes, I sure am very happy now. Mousse is too. For that, I am even happier (if that's even possible).

As I brushed his hair again with a sappy smile in my face, I thought that I may look like a total fool right now. I've always been one. But now, at least, I'm a fool in love

The End.

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Author's notes:

Yahooooo! It's finally done! Yes. Extremely fluffy and waffy (or at least I hope it was waffy and not just insanely mushy…that's a lot of –y words…) Thank you thank you thank you all for those who reviewed and gave their suggestions for this fic. It gave it quite a boost. Thank you so much. I hope I didn't disappoint you guys or anything.

I'd like to know how else I can improve this fic… (But I don't think I can cut down on the mushiness… I'm sad and pathetic that way.) but I would like to know how you guys feel! Thank you again for reading it.

P.S. shameless plug I've been toying with the concept of writing a mystery characterX Mousse fic. Clue. It's non-yaoi.(and it's not girl-type ranma or any character that will turn to a girl either ha!) There. I don't know if I can pull it off, but I think it's a rare pairing. But umm… there… /shameless plug


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